"The Raid"

[Snaked]

"The Raid-

You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.

The GM- He’s sacrificed his family, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.

The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.

The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.

The Heir Apparent- When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you're the guy the guild is gonna look to to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.

The Positive Officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.

The Negative Officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.

The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.

The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.

Metermaid- He's got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he's pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.

Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.

The Gay Guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key.

The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” May or may not be on speaking terms with spouse. Is muted on vent by 90% of the raid.

Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.

The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.

The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.

The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?"

The Prophet- Kept insisting that you were going to need a melee group for BT, despite the fact hat melee was dreadful for SSC/BT. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the Most Devout.

The Most Devout- This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He's the fury warrior or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite diety that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.

The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.

The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined.

The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.

The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.

The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.

The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you're not totally sure.

The Disgruntled Raider- Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a gquit.

The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good t moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.

The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be tellign his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.


The Backup-He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there.


The Buff-less Wonder - Plays a class with group buffs, but "forgets" to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by frustration and does it for them.

Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!- This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror.

Tootsie - Has a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of the benefits that the other females do, people are nice to her; she gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she's never posted a picture of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl? Sure. But who's to know?


The Dumbest Person On The Planet: No one's quite sure exactly what's wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a /gkick. Tell him to spread out and he'll glue himself to a squishy healer. Tell him to avoid something and he'll stand in it till dead, then complain that he didn't get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow star and he'll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff on his target.

The Obvious Explainer - This guy has read Wowwiki and probably written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter adds might shoot arrows. He'll warn that the boss can hit hard, tell everyone to avoid damage, and remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive. It makes you a bit worried that an obviously intelligent person thinks your raid needs to be handled with kid's gloves. Sadly, you wipe a lot when he's not on"

[qbane]

ROFL, gold

[Frøydis]

Seem like there can be alot of named person from IAE in this post... haha nais

[Desablé]

haha

[qbane]

Furyz main, me subbed =
The Backup-He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there.

Hehe jk Furyz your dps owns now too ;] When you play with two hands above the table that is ;x

Damo definately fits the GM description, he's changed jobs and house how many times? ;p

[Murthy]

Furyz main, me subbed =
The Backup-He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there.

Hehe jk Furyz your dps owns now too ;] When you play with two hands above the table that is ;x

Damo definately fits the GM description, he's changed jobs and house how many times? ;p

Lulz

[koetjeka]

Guess I'm either "metermaid" or "the buff-less wonder"

[Desablé]

The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.

[Qamra]

There's also a PUG version (http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=54889160&sid=1):

"This is a partial list of player types you're likely to encounter when playing in a PuG battleground game:

The Aloof - This guy appears to be guarding a flag or, but the chickens at the farm in AB are actually doing a better job. It's hard to say whether he's AFK, chatting in vent, or just didn't get enough sleep last night, but a guy caps the flag behind him and he doesn't even notice. If he's in gulch and the enemy flag carrier runs by, he just keeps on doing whatever it is he's doing as if nothing happened.

The ADD - This type of player just can't live with less than continuous action. The concept of defending a flag is foreign and distasteful to him. Therefore if he is defending something and no enemies show up within 30 seconds, he moves on despite the fact that he is leaving the flag unguarded for a friendly neighborhood rogue to ninja.

The Leet Deeps - This is the type of guy who thinks PvP is all about damage. He only has one hotkey that he spams regularly, and that's the one that does the big damage. He's probably just inexperienced, but he doesn't realize that he's playing at a small fraction of his effectiveness. In WSG for example, instead of using one of the plethora of snares he has to protect a flag carrier, or getting into position to pick up the flag when his teammate drops it, he goes right ahead and starts using his damage attacks on one of the 5 people mowing down the flag carrier.

The Glass Is Half Empty - This type of player is the kind that looks for reasons to stop trying in a BG. He may even tell everyone about his plan on how to lose the game quickly before it starts. To him, seeing that the opposing team is from the same server means that he should remain at the spawn area and bemoan the fact that he always gets premade groups and never wins. (We all wonder why, don't we?)

The Instance Mob - This type of player makes you swear aggro generation applied to players. He simply cannot understand why he hasn't been able to kill anything despite the fact that he put forth his best damage attacks against the protection specced shield wearing warrior that had 2 priests, a paladin, and a druid healing him. Much like I expect Rend Blackhand or Nefarian would, he attributes his ineffectiveness to inferior gear."

[Zweeties]

If i look at this i think im the : Prima donna, chick with accent who wanna be the say home mom 

[Daytona (damokles)]

lol imba thread.

GM doesn't fit cause my significant other doesn't suck, Fibi is a good healer !!! If i start to quote here the guild will disband because the nub insulted to many players^^

For the RL part, omg that is so true.. when you lead a raid and players do retarded things you do die a little inside  and the RL personality often ends up as the negative office because you can...only...take ....so...much....before...your...head...bursts...into....flames...

Should be added that if you are polish and nub (according to the RL) you will get yelled at, if you're not polish Keron will sink back in his chair and cry while muting TS for 30 min.

[Desablé]

Well, I guess Damo will run away with all mats and gold in the bank soon and migrate to another server

[qbane]

Should be added that if you are polish and nub (according to the RL) you will get yelled at, if you're not polish Keron will sink back in his chair and cry while muting TS for 30 min.

Nowai Keron swears at non-polish too

If you just got killed by spout then srry but you are a FAKKING NUB!

[Daytona (damokles)]

Well, I guess Damo will run away with all mats and gold in the bank soon and migrate to another server

If i do then I'm on the run from Tony with Fibi in my arms !!!

[Zweeties]

Nowai Keron swears at non-polish too

He still does that in polish so i cant understand a word he says, so i just shrug and think: ow well